Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Diary Of A Foolish Girl

I went a long time without looking at his page to see what he had to say. A long time not worrying about if he was sorry or if he thought about me like I think about him. A long time not stressing about if today was the day I'd finally hear from him. A long time just taking it one day at a time.

Then I had a setback.

After hearing about one of his friends passing I caught myself feeling sympathetic. After losing someone close to me for the first time this year, I now know what it feels like so I fought with myself on whether or not I should reach out to him because, ultimately, I'm still very hurt by how he has treated me. I decided to go against my better judgement and message him on Facebook, knowing full well he wouldn't say anything back. Why would he after all this time?

He surprised me. He messaged me back on the same day. Now I kind of wish I hadn't said anything because I feel like I deserved more than what he said back to me. I just want to know that he's sorry. But what if he's not? That would make things worse. I feel like I'm back at square one.

I just don't want to feel like this anymore.

Like a stupid, foolish, lonely girl.


KayTee said...


*Boomshaquita voice* Hell nah, shawty, I ain't even fenna let you go out like that. *pops gum*

If anything, you should feel PROUD of yourself. Feel empowered. Feel free. Feel any other adjective that means you're doing you.

You know how hard it is to quit someone you care about COLD TURKEY? And girl, you did it! So he didn't say sorry. So what? You don't need his approval or confirmation. If he treated you badly, if he was a real man, he'd apologize. His lack of apology just shows that he ain't the one you wanna be with anyway. He can't admit when he's wrong? Still playing those childish games, I see.

His silence has given you the opportunity to move on, meet someone else, discover yourself, and learn a valuable lesson: you don't have to put up with that! Boy bye. Stay silent. And when he finally decides to open his mouth, it'll be too late.

Black Butterfly said...

I read this while I was at work and smiled from ear to ear! I couldn't wait to get home and reply back! Thanks so much for this comment! I'm REALLY trying to live my life without worrying about someone who is not worried about me but never in a million years did I think it would be this hard and that I'd be one of those girls who is wasting her time. smh

KayTee said...

Nope, unless you're stalking him via social networking sites, asking other people about him, or showing up to his house unexpectedly, you ain't wasting time in my book. It's normal to need a little bit of time to get over relationships. What you're going through is NORMAL. So you should never feel bad about it or your feelings.

Ava E. said...

Because I know who you are talking about, and because I know how you feel, I say that you shouldn't beat yourself up about it.

I can understand wanting closure, honestly, I do, but even after all this time, I don't think that you may get it from that particular person at this point in his and your life.

Of course, you deserve and apology and an extensive explanation of his actions, but for now, I am going to say, don't hold your breath.

Regardless of his actions, you are still an amazing person, and you shouldn't hold on to any hang ups you have about this person. They are holding you back from your greatness and your potential with other mates.

Just move forward with what you have in life, and if an apology comes from him in the near future, take it and run with it, but be sure you don't fall back on it.

Love you much hun!