I went a long time without looking at his page to see what he had to say. A long time not worrying about if he was sorry or if he thought about me like I think about him. A long time not stressing about if today was the day I'd finally hear from him. A long time just taking it one day at a time.
Then I had a setback.
After hearing about one of his friends passing I caught myself feeling sympathetic. After losing someone close to me for the first time this year, I now know what it feels like so I fought with myself on whether or not I should reach out to him because, ultimately, I'm still very hurt by how he has treated me. I decided to go against my better judgement and message him on Facebook, knowing full well he wouldn't say anything back. Why would he after all this time?
He surprised me. He messaged me back on the same day. Now I kind of wish I hadn't said anything because I feel like I deserved more than what he said back to me. I just want to know that he's sorry. But what if he's not? That would make things worse. I feel like I'm back at square one.
I just don't want to feel like this anymore.
Like a stupid, foolish, lonely girl.